Undoubtedly, girls are facing the pressure to conform to certain society’s standards, but what about boys? Peggy Orenstein, the author of this book, interviewed over 100 young men. She discovered that boys, too, struggled with unhappiness due to rigid stereotypes about masculinity.

Society often views emotional vulnerability as incompatible with being a “real man.” For example, Cole, one of the boys interviewed by Orenstein, notes, “I find it hard to be emotionally expressive.” Even though Cole is tall, athletic, and clever, he hesitates to show his emotions out of fear of not fitting in. Emodiversity is our ability to experience and express emotions, which is essential for a healthy mental state. No wonder that suppressing emotions can result in binge drinking or even depression.

Alongside emotional restraint, young men view masculinity through the standard of an ideal male figure. Who is this mythical creature? First and foremost, he tends to keep his emotions to himself. He is tall, fit, and wealthy. He is the so-called alpha, aggressive, and dominant. Trying to be this tough and brooding ideal guy limits boys. A 2018 survey of over 1,000 Americans revealed that the men who conformed to these stereotypes were more inclined to harass girls and bully other boys.

The media also plays a role in reinforcing this image of the ideal guy. Just think of TV shows like *Fight Club, Empire*, or *Billions*. Men are often portrayed as controlling and affluent, as though those traits define true manhood. Men who don’t fit this mold often face insults, the mildest being, “You’re such a whiny girl.” In many respects, masculinity is set against femininity.

The third element of “being a man” is to brag about sex. But this has less to do with showing off their sex skills and more with demonstrating power over women and their bodies. The male images shown on TV and the Internet make boys see girls as beneath them and unworthy of respect. Even if labeled “locker room banter,” these discussions harm everyone involved.