The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
5.0
11 min

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

by John M. Gottman, Nan Silver

Brief Summary

“The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver offers practical guidance backed by decades of research designed to bolster marital harmony and resilience. The authors present the challenges couples face and the fundamental principles to overcome them. This book serves as a roadmap for couples seeking longevity and understanding in their partnerships.

Key points

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Key idea 1 of 9

The landscape of human emotions is vast. And you need a special compass to navigate it confidently. This compass guides our closest relationships. It's known as the 'love map'. It helps couples outline the pathways of understanding.

A rich and detailed love map is beneficial. With it, you can navigate emotional terrains easily. However, with a blurry or outdated map, you could get lost or miss out on the hidden gems along the way. That is why it is crucial to learn as much as possible about your partner, and to keep learning more.

The heroes of our first story are Peter, an enthusiastic chef, and his wife, Lisa. Their love map consisted of shared recipes and culinary experiments together. Later on, Lisa developed a passion for astronomy. This made Peter feel disconnected. However, Peter accepted this change. Their shared evenings of cooking gave way to stargazing. He added stars, planets, and constellations to their love map. They combined their interests by cooking under the stars.

Life's experiences redraw our love maps. New interests and priorities emerge while some old ones fade away. The key is to remain curious, adapting, and exploring the evolving terrains of our partner’s world.

Ask yourself—do you know the most fundamental things about your partner? Are you familiar with their dreams and aspirations? Can you name their favorite activities and their preferences?

Take “Love Maps Questionnaire” to assess your knowledge of these things. It is also advisable to get to know yourself better, taking time to contemplate your emotions and beliefs. By knowing yourself, you’ll be able to connect with another person on a deeper level.

01
Enhancing your love map
02
Nurturing your fondness and admiration
03
Turning toward each other instead of away
04
Letting your partner influence you
05
Solving your solvable problems
06
Overcoming gridlock
07
Creating shared meaning
08
Recognize the warning signs to navigate the relationship storm
09
Final summary

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