If you want to be such a person, you already have everything you need. This article offers simple tips on how to be happier and find joy in life again.
Build your happiness through purposeful actions
One caveat with finding joy is that people often look for it in the wrong places. It’s time to reflect on things that influence our feelings. Salary, marital status, and other outer factors contribute to only 10% of general happiness. Meanwhile, inherent traits and purposeful actions are responsible for 50% and 40%, respectively. You can work with this 40%, incorporating the right attitude to events and understanding the notion of baseline happiness.
Imagine you got a promotion at work, you feel overjoyed, but over time, you get used to it, and your level of happiness returns to the baseline. The same change occurs when you experience something negative, like falling out with a friend. What’s the tip here? You should accept that life alone doesn’t guarantee happiness, but your purposeful actions can amp up the levels of joy in your life. You can find some additional information on this topic in our summary of The How of Happiness.
Be critical of your thoughts
In another interesting twist, just acting purposefully isn’t enough. Your happiness can be lessened through your way of thinking. Nothing good can come out of thoughts like, “I can’t do anything well!” They neither motivate you nor teach you something. Instead, they create a negative ripple effect, resulting in a spoiled mood, discouragement, and even humiliation. “What can I do about it?” you might ask.
First, define if this thought is useful. Does it in any way help you take action toward your dream life? Does it help you follow your values? Does it give you a push to make the most out of your life right now? Does it lead to a fulfilling and meaningful life in the future? If the answers to all these questions are “yes,” pay attention to your thoughts, even if they seem negative at first sight. However, when the answers are “no,” don’t waste time on them. This will just make your life miserable instead of making it richer. To avoid falling into the abyss of negative self-talk, check out our The Happiness Trap summary.
Focus on the positive things you have in your life
E+P=O is a bit like a physics formula, but in fact, it stands for events (E) in our lives that are perceived (P) through a lens that determines the outcome (O). Offered by Jon Gordon, the author of The Energy Bus, this formula highlights the way we perceive and respond to certain events that shape our reality. One way of doing it right is by adopting a gratitude practice: focus on what you already have, not what you lack, and allocate time to reflect on all the positive things you have in life.
Will it decrease the number of challenges you face every day? Probably not, but it will give you so much-needed optimism and motivation. So, next time a friend buys you a coffee, your colleague compliments your outfit, or your partner cooks dinner, remember this positive moment and try to be grateful for it. It’s like looking at the starry sky. Firstly, you see only the biggest and brightest stars. But with time, you begin noticing smaller ones, and they are just as beautiful.
Look for the right person to be your friend
Books on happiness often try to teach you how to be more positive. Here, we preach a bit of a different approach. Start with choosing friends, as they are people who shape the quality of your life. Interact with different people, but remember that you cannot be everyone’s friend. Although finding a person whom you can trust might seem challenging, human traits are at the heart of this process.
Pay attention to kindness. Observe how your future-to-be friend treats other people. Are they aggressive or cruel toward them? You definitely don’t want to be treated that way. Look for a confident person. If they feel confident in their appearance, career, and relationships, they won’t envy you and will be truly happy about your achievements. Finally, ask yourself, “Do I feel good in their company? Do I feel like myself with them?” If the answer is “yes,” support and appreciate this person. Even though you can “buy yourself the f*cking lilies,” you can’t buy the real friendship that brings joy to your life.
Accept life as it is and forgive people to find some peace
One more tip that can resonate with you is to accept and forgive. Dalai Lama XIV and Desmond Tutu, in The Book of Joy, say, “You are made for perfection, but you are not yet perfect. You are a masterpiece in the making.” The same goes for life. It’s not devoid of difficult times, the main thing here is to accept that you can’t control everything. Without this acceptance, you will hardly ever experience joy.
For example, you don’t get on well with one of your colleagues. Should you criticize them, pretend everything is okay, or perhaps worry about meeting them? If you do any of these, quit it. Accept that you have no influence over your co-worker’s attitude toward you and try forgiving them. Although it’s rather difficult, this is a way to escape the misery of this relationship and take one more step toward joy and peace.
Embrace hugge and ikigai to get pleasure from life
Have you ever heard the word hugge? Or maybe you know the meaning of ikigai? These two concepts can help you stop being pulled in different and opposite directions. Ikigai is a purpose and joy you find in your life, while hygge means having a cozy time. Ikigai teaches us that we should do things that genuinely bring us joy. If you enjoy strolling in the park, do it. If you dream of dancing, do it. Want to start your own business? DO IT.
Hygge offers the idea that hobbies are essential for a happy life. Danish people often have more than one hobby and organize clubs to practice and discuss them. Nine out of ten Danes are part of such clubs. How can this boost our joy in life? First, shared activities, like book or cycling clubs, create a sense of community and trust among the members. Second, the Australian Happiness Institute found out that having fun hobbies doesn't just make you happier but also improves your quality of life and how well you get things done.
Remember, you don’t have to be Japanese or Danish to practice hygge or ikigai, but if you want to learn more about them, check out our summaries of The Year of Living Danishly and Awakening Your Ikigai.
It will take time to implement even one of these recommendations into your life, but trying something out will be beneficial. Start small and slow down because any change comes with tons of effort. Look around, reflect on your actions and emotions, and realize that you are doing well. A little optimism goes a long way!
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