Entering a relationship with mindfulness means we’re not drawn solely by physical appearance. Likewise, we don’t do it solely for good sex or companionship. While these aspects are undeniably significant in any happy couple’s life, we are still searching for something more profound.

What people truly pursue in relationships are the five A’s: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing others to be who they are. Without these five elements, a relationship cannot be considered healthy or complete. If any of these elements is missing, a relationship will inevitably feel unfulfilling. For example, you can shower your husband with love and gifts and give him attention, but if you don’t accept his shortcomings and constantly remind him of them, neither of you will be happy.

Various challenges may stand in the way of fully experiencing the five A’s with your partner. The first one is the tendency to force or expect our partner to give us something they can’t. Sometimes, we want to feed off their energy, often without offering anything in return. This leads to the desire to build illusions and exert control. We might turn our “delusion” on full blast and force the person to fit into a framework we’ve invented. Other challenges include the desire to be a moralist—constantly teaching and criticizing—and other common fears.

Building a healthy relationship is impossible as long as the barriers exist. The first step is to realize that you are suffering from one of these psychological habits. Do some self-reflection by tapping into your subconscious mind and eliminating all the negative patterns. Meditation and breathing techniques can be beneficial. Dive into yourself and discover what you truly want and need. Incorporating mindfulness into your daily life helps you focus on the present moment, reducing stress and enhancing overall well-being.

It is also crucial that you communicate with your partner. Ask them whether they feel that all five A’s needs are being met. Do not hesitate to share your feelings, too. You should discuss the problems you are experiencing and then consider how to address them together.