Conversational cues such as speed, rhythm, intonation, and volume play a significant role in the dynamics of any conversation. While many people engage in argumentative discussions, research shows such debates are ineffective. It often provokes resistance, pressure, and endless arguments thrown at a speaker. After experiencing a stressful situation, people may become too emotional and feel the need to speak out and share what's on their minds. At this juncture, they are not seeking advice and certainly do not wish to be lectured about their mistakes.

Let's play the game that illustrates the effectiveness of listening over persuading. Imagine that you take your PlayStation. The main character is Frank, a man in his thirties who had lost his job and whose wife left him. He is sitting in his car in a crowded mall parking lot, a shotgun pressed to his throat. He is at the edge, contemplating ending his life. Your character is a police negotiator, Lieutenant Evans. His goal is to prevent Frank from taking such a drastic step. You’re given two options for your next move: "Convince" and "Listen." Which one do you choose?

The instinctual reaction may be to choose “Convince.” You might want to try convincing Frank that he's making a huge mistake and that all the problems can be solved. However, this will only make him angry or even push him to pull the trigger. The correct action for the experienced Lt. Evans is to choose “Listen.”

This will allow Frank to share his fears and feelings and open up more space for the argument. Realizing that he is heard will build trust between the men. By choosing this option, the screen will show how events will unfold. The lieutenant will sympathize with the man. He will ask how he lost his job and why he was left alone. Such dialog will eventually lead to the understanding that suicide is not the answer. Your choice to listen rather than convince results in saving a life.