The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control
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8 min

The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

by Katherine Morgan Schafler

Brief Summary

“The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control” (2023) encourages self-kindness and emphasizes embracing mistakes. It offers women a perspective where the value of life lies in our varied experiences rather than in unattainable perfection. If you need a fresh perspective on perfectionism and a better understanding, this book is for you.

Key points

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Perfectionism is a trait woven into the fabric of many individuals. It manifests in myriad forms, each as distinct as the person it inhabits. Let's discuss different types of perfectionism according to Schafler. Each type of perfectionism has its benefits and downsides, but this is what makes life more interesting to live and understand.

The first kind is the Classic Perfectionist. People like this are very detailed and always on time. They can handle big tasks and plan their life down to the smallest detail. But, they might not be very creative or spontaneous. Known for their meticulousness, they often showcase their flawlessly curated spreadsheets or boast a perpetually fresh haircut. They're dependable and consistent, with an evident distaste for chaos.

Unlike Classic Perfectionists, the Parisian Perfectionists tend to hide their perfectionism. Named after the French's effortless aesthetic, they work hard to have top-notch friendships. They avoid looking overeager, preferring to seem detached from others' perceptions, yet secretly crave approval and validation.

Then, there is the Procrastinator Perfectionist. They have lots of great ideas but are too scared to start them. What if they mess up the perfect picture they have in their heads? It sounds like a nightmare to this type of perfectionist, which can lead to their failure to make decisions. On the other hand, Messy Perfectionist enjoys starting new things but often doesn't finish them. They get bored easily, leaving many projects unfinished. Messy perfectionists harbor the illusion of limitless potential, believing they can achieve everything without sacrifice. When reality hits, they are devastated.

The last one is the Intense Perfectionist — they are all about reaching their goals. They work really hard, but this might make others feel they expect too much. Such perfectionists often set their lives on hold, waiting to reach a future goal. Driven by the desire for perfection, intense perfectionists prioritize success over health and relationships. This tunnel vision makes the perfectionist's game one that's impossible to win. People sometimes find it hard to adapt to their perfectionism.

01
Discover the five faces of perfectionism
02
Perfectionism does not have to be a struggle
03
Acknowledge triumphs and learn from setbacks rather than pursue perfection
04
Use the power of your full presence to improve your emotional state
05
Perfectionists need to learn to connect with others and relax
06
Final summary

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