We frequently mistake forgiveness for a one-time emotional experience that is expected to make the pain disappear. However, it is actually a dual experience consisting of a “marked moment” of decision and a “continual process” of emotional healing. Forgiveness begins with a decision to forgive the specific wrongs that were committed. It is an act of obedience to God that does not require the cooperation of the offender.

While the decision to forgive the offense can be made in a moment, healing from its impact is a gradual process. We can’t instantly erase the emotional consequences of the offense. Lysa TerKeurst, the author, uses her personal experience to demonstrate this. Reminders of her husband’s betrayal continued to overwhelm her long after she had made the decision to forgive him. Certain situations or memories could instantly reopen her old wounds.

TerKeurst’s counselor introduced her to a helpful practice. She had to take 3x5 cards, with each individual hurt written on one, and then cover them with red felt squares. Mentally writing out the name of the person and the specific offense, she said aloud: “I forgive this person for what they did. And whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover.”

Spiritually, the dual nature of forgiveness can be viewed as an act of “cooperation” with God. TerKeurst admits that forgiveness can feel impossible at times, but she learns to lean into what Jesus has already done on the cross. On the other hand, she describes the “soldiers of unforgiveness”: cynicism, bitterness, resentment, delay, and trust issues that wage war against the soul. Rather than viewing these moments as failures, TerKeurst encourages readers to see them as opportunities to practice forgiveness again.

A believer must recognize that while forgiveness is hard to give, it is amazing to get. So, inevitably, refusing to pass it through creates a heavy weight in the soul. A great mindset is to start treating forgiveness as a daily practice, similar to eating or sleeping. This way, we’ll be able to get ahead of the unpredictability of our emotions.