However, a strong and reliable social circle is crucial for your mental health and well-being, so investing time and effort into building new friendships is a good idea. How do adults even make friends? Let’s go over some ways to meet new people as an adult.
1. Remember that trying to find friends doesn’t make you lame or needy
Some people believe that actively trying to find friends can come off as desperate. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Meeting new people and creating friendships are what confident and social people do, and there’s nothing needy about it. And even if a couple of rare individuals do think that you’re too eager, they’re probably not confident enough to say it to your face.
Another thing to keep in mind is that when you’re older, building friendships becomes more difficult because you have to put actual effort into learning how and where to make friends as an adult. Considering this, there’s nothing wrong with being eager to make friends.
2. Reach out to people and take initiative
Many people are scared of just talking to strangers. They see someone they like at a social gathering but do nothing about it because they’re afraid of being seen as odd for striking up a conversation. But guess what? You’ll never know before you try.
Who knows, maybe that stranger is just as happy to meet people, and you’ll make a new friend. And if not, you’ll politely exchange a couple of phrases about the weather, and that’ll be it. Not so bad for a worst-case scenario, right?
3. Draw on your existing contacts
Before going out and trying to make friends by meeting new people, take notice of the people that you already have in your life. These can be colleagues from work who you get along with, acquaintances that you’ve never hung out with enough to become friends, friends you’ve fallen out of touch with, relatives who are close to your age, and so on.
This might not apply if you’re making friends in a new city. But unless you’ve recently moved to a new area, you probably have at least some seeds of social life around you. After all, trying to get closer to people you already know is much easier than going out and attempting to make friends with strangers.
4. Try new places to meet people
The place that you choose to make friends plays a big role in whether you’ll have any luck. For instance, it’s a good thing if the place allows you to meet people you have something in common with. It’s also helpful if the situation encourages you to naturally strike up conversation with others. Also, places where you can meet the same people regularly are much better compared to those where you see them once and then never meet again.
Some good ideas of places and situations where you can meet people include your job or studies, hobby or sports classes, a club or an organization, bars and pubs. Other ways to meet people are through current friends, through extended family, and, of course, by just chatting with strangers.
5. Join a community
One of the best ways to meet someone that you’ll get along with is by joining some kind of community. It can be a book club, a sports team, or any other organization. Here, you’ll spend time with people with whom you already have something in common and thus have something to talk about. Moreover, it provides you with a low-pressure way to gradually get to know people better, which can grow into a friendship as time goes by.
6. Demonstrate appreciation to everyone that you encounter
Probably every single person on Earth craves to be appreciated, and that craving is engraved in our psychology. When we show someone that we genuinely value them and enjoy their company, it boosts their self-esteem, but also heightens their regard for us.
Even small, seemingly meaningless things like smiling at people can make them feel appreciated. Another thing you should pay attention to is remembering people’s names. Mispronouncing or forgetting someone’s name can cause subconscious discontent towards you, so even if you’re forgetful, put special effort into it.
7. Be a good listener
Besides being appreciated, people also like being heard. Many of us can overly focus on our own words without paying any attention to what the other person is saying. And while being eager to share your thoughts is understandable, doing so without any regard for the other person is a clear path to being disliked.
The How to Win Friends and Influence People book summary states that the ideal strategy is allocating 25% of your time to speaking and 75% to listening. Moreover, try to refrain from interrupting and dominating the conversation.
8. Accept that building friendships takes time
Even if you’re actively trying to make friends, it won’t happen overnight. Building relationships with people takes time, often a lot of it. With some people, you’ll feel the connection right away, with others, it might take a bit longer, and sometimes, it might just not work out at all – and that’s alright, too. The key is to keep making an effort and not feel discouraged right away.
9. Don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t like you
If you’re putting yourself out there, sooner or later, you’ll meet someone who doesn’t like you. The important thing to remember here is that you are not the problem. You’re not meant to get along with everybody; some people are just not the right fit for you, and that is simply part of the process. After all, you cannot be everyone’s friend.
10. Be mindful of who you surround yourself with
Your social circle has a lot of influence on you as an individual and on your quality of life. Try to surround yourself with positive people instead of those who constantly complain because they’ll just bring negativity into your life. Stay away from jealous, unconfident people, and look for those who can be genuinely happy for you and your achievements.
And, of course, simply make sure that you enjoy the company of those you surround yourself with. If you feel comfortable and liked, you can be yourself around them. Congrats – you’ve found the right people!
Being an adult definitely makes building and maintaining friendships much more difficult. However, it is far from impossible. The key is to put yourself out there, try new places and new activities, take initiative, and make an effort to build genuine connections with people through showing appreciation and being a good listener.
By creating a social circle where you feel comfortable and appreciated, you’re doing yourself a huge favor, even if it takes a lot of time and effort. Remember that even though building friendships might not be as easy as when you were a teenager, there are many people out there who can’t wait to be your friend! Try out these tips on how to meet friends as an adult and see for yourself.
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