Dr. Gary Chapman, a renowned psychologist and author, explains in his book The 5 Love Languages that each of us has our unique way of expressing and perceiving love.
Understanding different love languages helps to create strong relationships filled with mutual understanding and care. If you want to better understand your partner, friends, or yourself, this concept will be a real eye-opener. After all, when we speak the love language of a loved one, they feel truly loved. So, let's take a look at five basic love languages that can change your relationship for the better!
What are the 5 love languages?
Words of affirmation
If you're used to talking and hearing about love and tend to appreciate when it is expressed verbally, your love language is words of affirmation. This love language sometimes manifests itself in small but valuable words for the relationship, such as, “Thank you for making breakfast, it's amazing!” or “You look so beautiful today, you're glowing!” Such small but meaningful compliments and gratitude form a solid foundation for further relationship building.
If this is your or your partner's love language, here are some relationship advice to help you express your love:
1. Give compliments
When you give even the smallest of compliments to your partner, it shows your attention and care for them. These words can be about anything: a new hairstyle, a delicious meal, or buying a new piece of jewelry. It's very simple and doesn't take much time or effort, but at the same time, it inspires and motivates your significant other.
2. Write love letters and notes
Perhaps the most striking manifestation of this language of love is the notes you leave to your loved one with inspirational words, praise, or expressions of love. In ancient times, lovers used to write love letters to each other, but who says we can't practice it now? These don't have to be long letters with self-composed love poems but small notes that you can put in your lunchbox or leave on the fridge before work. Moreover, you can keep these notes for a long time!
3. Talk through all the important points
Verbal communication is vital — without it, it is very difficult to understand the true needs of a partner and find ways to solve difficulties. That's why you should talk to your significant other often and well. During such conversations, you can not only get to know your partner better but also find ways to compromise and strengthen the relationship. Be honest and do not be afraid to speak up about your needs.
Giving gifts
Flowers, jewelry, small surprises — is this the main sign of love and attention from your lover? Then gifts are a unique way to understand and perceive love. This love language usually requires giving physical items to your partner to show your attention and love. This thing can become a pleasant memory in the future, which you can touch and feel the warmth of the love with which this thing was given.
However, in order to choose a good and practical gift that will remind your partner of your feelings, you will need a few tips!
1. Explore what your partner needs
Personalized gifts are a good way to show your thoughtfulness and care in a relationship. There are gifts that many people consider great, such as flowers or jewelry for women and T-shirts or perfume for men. But before giving something, ask your partner what they really need. Maybe they have a hobby or are fond of sports and therefore, it would be much more practical to give a sports backpack or a new season ticket instead of perfume.
2. Give a handmade item
Expensive and thoughtful gifts are great, but for many partners with this kind of love language, a handmade gift can be more valuable. It can be a painting or a homemade keychain — even the smallest gift can show your love and care. Handmade things are a clear example of the fact that you invested your time and effort to make your loved one happy.
3. Be attentive to the little things
Attention to detail is the key to a successful and thoughtful gift. For example, if your partner once said that they like white roses, it would be very thoughtful of you to give them these flowers. Or maybe during a conversation, your loved one mentioned that they liked the smell of a particular perfume, and you can take note of this idea for a future.
Acts of service
“Actions are more important than words.” You've probably heard this phrase many times from everyone around you in relation to any kind of relationship: friendship, business, and of course, love. Why is this phrase so relevant? Because promising and doing something are different things. People who primarily appreciate the actions and help from their significant other use this language of love. The main purpose of this way of expressing love is to do things that make your partner's life easier and more pleasant.
Here are some tips that will help you to show this language of love in the best way possible:
1. Focus on making your partner's life more comfortable
This love language focuses on helping your partner and making their life better. To do this, you don't have to do large-scale actions that require a lot of effort, you can focus on the little things that will make your other half's day easier. It could be household chores like washing dishes, cleaning, or doing laundry. Or maybe your partner could really use a ride to work.
2. Learn about your partner's values and priorities
To know how you can help, listen to your partner's needs and what is important to them. Let's say your significant other pays a lot of attention to their health. You can make sure that you always eat a balanced diet by planning portions in advance and organizing regular exercises and retreats together.
3. Help organize special events
Special occasions such as birthdays, promotion celebrations, or a new big purchase play a big role in a person's life. The best decision you can make if you want to help is to offer to take over the organization of these events. You can organize incredible dates or birthday parties to make life easier for your partner and let them enjoy these moments to the fullest.
Quality time
We all spend a fair amount of time with our partner in a relationship. However, you can spend this time together in different ways, and the quality of this time plays a big role. For example, you can sit in the same room for several hours together while one partner works on a laptop and the other plays video games. Technically, you are spending time together, but for people with this love language, mental presence and engagement are also crucial.
Do you want to improve the time you spend with your partner? Here's how you can do it:
1. Put limits on technology
Imagine that you and your partner are on a date in a nice restaurant with incredible food. Everything looks perfect, but you and your partner are constantly distracted by notifications on your phone. Technology has become an integral part of the modern world, and we can't live without a constant flow of news and notifications. However, in the moments we spend together with our partner, constant distractions on social media can make it difficult to focus on your other half.
2. Be here and now
The main problem that prevents us from spending quality time together is the inability to be present and involved in the moment. Sometimes, we can't stop thinking about an urgent work project or a recent fight with a friend, and this prevents us from focusing on what's happening here and now. To make such moments less frequent, try to clearly separate your professional and personal life and not mix different areas of your life.
3. Diversify the time you spend together
Quality time is not only about sitting across from each other and talking all the time. It can also be a variety of activities you do together. Do you like sports? You can go golfing or to a yoga class together. Are you both fans of comedy movies? Going to the movies together would be a great option. Would you like to do something creative? Then it's time to attend a painting or clay workshop! Also you can read couples books or watch TV shows together.
Physical touch
People who prioritize this love language may attach special importance to physical interactions. This love language is not only about sexual contact but also about hugging, holding hands, and even massages. People with this love language express their feelings through tactility and expect the same from their partner.
Here are some tips on how to interact with your partner if their love language is physical touch:
1. Make sure what is comfortable for your partner
If a person's main love language is physical touch, it doesn't mean that they can be comfortable with any kind of interaction. For example, they may like to hold hands but feel uncomfortable hugging in public. That's why you need to talk through and coordinate any moments of tactility with your significant other.
2. Incorporate touch into everyday life
You don't have to wait for a special moment to hug or kiss your loved one. Touching during a conversation, kissing them before you leave the house, or stroking their hand while watching a movie can strengthen the bond and bring the relationship closer. The main thing is to know how to choose the right and appropriate moment for this.
3. Use the power of hugs
Hugging is one of the easiest and most effective ways to convey love. It reduces stress, improves mood, and strengthens emotional connections. Try to hug your partner not only on special occasions but also in everyday life: before leaving the house, after a hard day, or just for no reason.
Each person perceives and expresses love in unique ways, and if someone's perception of love is different from yours, it's not a disaster. Learn your partner's love language, and you will find the key to their heart. It will be like a love map for you! But also remember to talk about your needs and desires related to your love language types. Learn more about this topic in our summary of Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages.
