Knowing how to handle conflicts helps create an atmosphere where people can learn as a team and develop talents. Conflict management is a complex matter, so let's go over some advice on how to deal with conflict at work and in everyday life.
1. Separate observation from evaluation
Engage wholeheartedly in the present moment, tuning in to the conversations you're part of. Listen carefully to the people around you, considering how their words resonate with you emotionally.
Try to avoid generalizing your arguments. Instead, establish a connection between specific situations and your observations. Try to recall instances when you felt unpleasant emotions, such as when your partner didn't follow through on their promise to wash the dishes. Recall your emotions and how you started to solve the conflict but refrain from evaluating the situation.
2. Be specific and honest with yourself in expressing emotions
Expressing feelings can be challenging because people often overlook the origins of emotions and cannot analyze them. To vividly convey what you feel, it's important to be specific. Choose the right words. For instance, the phrase "I feel a bit down" includes the word "feel". However, it doesn't fully describe the exact emotional state.
The ability to accept vulnerability is equally significant. Suppressing your true emotions can lead to strained relationships with colleagues and friends. Instead of suppressing your genuine feelings, try nonviolent communication, as described in the book Nonviolent Communication.
3. Communicate with yourself to better understand others
If you want to improve your communication skills with others, start by learning to communicate with yourself. By listening to your body and thoughts, you establish a connection with yourself. It doesn't necessarily have to be something complex; for example, you can simply lie down and focus on your breathing.
When you understand your way of thinking, you can better understand what others feel and think. For example, you may be desperate in your relationship and feel unable to understand what exactly is causing your anxiety. The best thing to do in such a situation is to practice mindfulness. Through mindfulness, you can gain a deeper understanding of your partner, and this approach will help reach a compromise by turning to nurturing and loving speech.
4. Listen, don't interrupt
It's not uncommon to find ourselves interrupting others, even when we think we're listening closely. If you recognize this habit in yourself, consider altering your approach to communication. Start by simply listening — truly hearing what the other person has to say without casting judgment.
Allow the person to express themselves, as the main goal of active listening is to help others. Once they've had their say, feel free to share your thoughts about any misconceptions they might have. When your conversation partner sees that you are making every effort to understand them, they're more likely to engage in a productive dialogue. You can find more about this in our summary of The Art of Communicating.
5. Approach others with peace
Two key attitudes dictate how we interact with others: with a heart at peace or a heart at war. If your heart is at war, you can escalate situations without even realizing it. Such thinking only fuels your anger and provokes others. This diverts us from finding productive solutions, and can also work against our interests. Learn more about ways to relate to others in The Anatomy of Peace book.
Often, we find ourselves caught in the trap of stereotyping, refusing to see the humanity in those we view negatively. This shifts our perspective, distorting our ability to perceive them as individuals. Your anger can make others feel attacked. So, it's better to control your emotions, which will later prevent you from asking how to manage conflict at work and with your family members.
6. Do not withhold information during conversations
People frequently hesitate to share their thoughts during important conversations for fear of hurting others' feelings. However, such an approach is counterproductive. Every successful conversation requires participants to exchange information to make informed decisions. On the contrary, withholding information can lead to mistakes even among the smartest individuals.
Imagine a situation where a surgeon received a task to amputate a patient's leg, but mistakenly removed a healthy one instead. The medical staff in the room remained silent, although they knew about the mistake. They feared the authoritative position of the surgeon, and that's why they decided not to disclose crucial information. To prevent such catastrophes, familiarize yourself with the principles outlined in the Crucial Conversations summary.
7. Use the contrast method in conversation
Mutual respect is a fundamental prerequisite for any productive dialogue. When people feel that their value is not recognized and appreciated, their behavior can quickly become hostile. They may resort to aggressive actions, such as yelling or attempting to assert dominance over others.
Remember how you address people to prevent them from feeling disrespected. One technique is to use contrast, which involves balancing criticism with positive feedback. For example, when discussing an employee's tardiness, you can start by acknowledging their good work before mentioning the problem. This approach helps the employee feel valued and reduces the likelihood of an emotional reaction.
8. Separate your emotional reaction from the interpretation
Your emotions and reactions often stem from your understanding of the situation, not the facts. To overcome this obstacle, you need to learn to recognize and correct misconceptions. A useful strategy is to pause and consider whether you may be misinterpreting someone's words or actions. Separate your emotional reaction from the interpretation to approach the situation more objectively.
To avoid turning your conversations into loud arguments, analyze the facts and find a logical explanation. For example, you're in a meeting with a colleague and the boss, discussing a project, and you notice that your colleague is constantly talking. Your initial impulsive thought can be that they're trying to take credit for your work. But take a step back and don't react to the situation solely based on your emotions.
9. Build connections with people around you
Every morning, think of a few people you might encounter during the day. It could be anyone from a neighbor to a coworker. Plan a simple way to create a positive moment with them, such as sharing a funny story or saying a kind word.
Finding small ways to connect can make a big difference not only on special occasions but also every day. Maintaining an understanding of relationships can prevent conflicts from arising or help find an easy way to solve them if they do occur. Something as simple as asking about their day and genuinely listening to the response can make home a more enjoyable place to be.
The art of communication is the foundation when it comes to resolving or even preventing conflicts. Understanding a person can sometimes be difficult, yet it's possible if you listen to them attentively. Put in every possible effort to be on the same page as your conversation partner. It will help improve relationships in times of misunderstanding. Don't be afraid of conflicts because they're normal. After all, everyone is different. The key is to find compromises in their resolution and learn from experience to avoid similar problems in the future.
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