Our culture is fixated on relationships. Your family keeps making awkward inquiries throughout the holidays, and your friends push you to find someone if you’re single. In addition, we are often exposed to picture-perfect couples on social media. But is being unmarried really that horrible? According to Michael Todd, this could potentially be a fantastic chance for introspection.

Healthy singleness can be described with Jesus’s command to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39). This means that, to find true, healthy love with someone else, we first need to build a solid relationship with ourselves. Because if you don’t take time to discover who you are and to heal from your past, you’ll enter relationships already broken, desperately hoping someone else can fill the hole inside you.

Of course, this self-discovery process won’t always be pleasant. While you’ll be learning about your passions and dreams, you’ll also encounter your insecurities and bad habits. However, addressing these issues might be easier on your own than while in a relationship. Todd calls this process “being single and under construction.” You are building a strong foundation for your future relationship.

Being single also helps you see what it is you’re looking for. When you know yourself well and walk confidently with God, you’ll be ready to date intentionally. Michael Todd shares the story of Diamond, a woman who, after sexual abuse, chose intentional singleness to redefine her values. She threw herself into studying to earn a master’s and turned down every date offer during that period. As a result, Diamond came to realize what kind of man she needs and what kind of woman she wants to be. She resumed dating, but more purposefully this time.

So instead of rushing into relationships to fill a void, one should embrace where they are right now. You can work on your relationship with God and on becoming the best version of yourself. The person who will eventually become your spouse is out there, going through the same journey. When you both show up whole and healed, ready to support each other’s values and purpose, that’s when magic happens.