What are acts of service? In short, we can describe it as “Actions speak louder than words.” If this is the motto you follow in building relationships, then most likely, your love language is acts of service. In this article, we have collected 6 relationship advice for couples in which one or both partners have an act of service love language. To learn more about love languages, check out our The 5 Love Languages summary.
1. Do small things that show love
Love is not always about loud actions and huge efforts. Sometimes, it can be shown through small acts that do not require much time and resources. For example, you can quickly clean your room, make breakfast, or give your loved one a ride to yoga on the way to work. Regular small acts will show your love daily and make your significant other feel good.
The secret of the act of service love language is to pay attention to small details and fulfill your partner's small desires. If your partner once mentioned that they would like to go for a walk in a new park in your city, planning a date there would be a great idea. The same applies to other seemingly small things, such as knowing how many spoons of sugar your partner puts in their tea, what kind of music they like to listen to in the car, or what kind of sweets they love. Read more about how to do small, pleasant things in our 30 Lessons for Loving summary.
2. Keep your promises
When a person who is all about actions hears a promise, they perceive it as an obligation, not just words. If you say you'll do something, do it; otherwise, the trust may be shaken. Even if it's a small thing, like buying something at the store for dinner or helping with a work project, not doing it can make your partner feel like they can't count on you.
Before making a promise, think carefully about whether you can fulfill it. For example, if you promise to help your partner sort out working documents, but you have a lot of tasks and projects at the moment, it's better to tell it like it is. Do not make commitments that you most likely won't be able to fulfill. Remember that trust in relationships is built on your actions, so it's best to be straightforward and honest about your efforts at such times.
3. Don't forget about pleasant surprises
While fulfilling requests and promises certainly shows your commitment and love in a relationship, pleasant surprises, even small ones, play a special role in building healthy relationships. Doing so shows that you understand that your partner's love language is actions and that you are ready to take the initiative to express your care and love.
How to make a pleasant surprise? Think about what your partner loves. It doesn't have to be something spectacular. For instance, you can cook your partner's favorite meal for the weekend, give them flowers they love, or go to a place where you met once and your partner mentioned they would like to visit again. Such surprises keep the romance alive in a relationship and will undoubtedly cheer up your significant other.
4. Take your partner's needs seriously
Everyone has their own needs — emotional, physical, and domestic. It is essential not only to notice them but also to treat them responsibly. If your partner needs support, help, or just time to rest, try not to ignore it but offer real help. This creates a sense of security and trust and is the key to a long-term relationship.
Imagine that your partner is currently going through a crisis in their professional life and is very worried about finding a new job. You can hardly help them find a new job, but you can support them in many ways. Making coffee in the morning, watching your favorite movie, or cleaning the house instead of your partner. These actions will show your partner that you are there for them.
5. Act with empathy and kindness
Love in action is not only about performing tasks but also about the way you do them. If you help your partner, do it not out of compulsion or obligation but with understanding and kindness. Empathy is about feeling what is important to the other person and doing it to support and make your loved one's life better.
Imagine that your partner is happy when you cook dinner, but you feel tired when you come home from work. The best solution in this situation is to find a compromise. Maybe you can order delivery a few times a week or take turns cooking. Acts of service, in this case, should not only bring pleasure to your partner but also not burden you. You can learn more about this in our Making Great Relationships summary.
6. Make sure your responsibilities are shared equitably
Relationships are partnerships. If one of you takes on too much, it can cause fatigue, irritation, or feelings of injustice. Discuss who is responsible for what, and adjust the distribution of responsibilities if necessary so that everyone feels valued and not overwhelmed.
This also applies to acts of service. If you do a lot of things to fit in with your partner and forget about your own needs, sooner or later, this will become one of the obstacles in the relationship. So, don't be afraid to speak up if you feel that you are investing more in the relationship and want your partner to make an effort to do so as well. Open communication is the way to build healthy relationships and solve any problems. Read more about this in our Getting the Love You Want summary.
It's important to understand that love is not only expressed in words but in daily actions that show care and devotion. Keeping promises, pleasant surprises, attention to your partner's needs, kindness, and a fair division of responsibilities form a strong and harmonious relationship. The main thing is not to wait for manifestations of love but to take actions that demonstrate sincere feelings.
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