What does it look like when the spark is gone from our relationship? Well, the story is fairly trivial and known to everyone. We've seen it as children when our parents or our friends’ parents stopped really loving each other. They don't laugh together, they don't kiss each other goodbye, and they don't talk about anything other than everyday life. These people seem to stay together just for the sake of a shared household, like two business partners who can't just go their separate ways. But it doesn’t have to be this way!
Identify the issue
This can be a tricky one. Quite often, your problem may be something that it should not be. For example, children, our eternal priority, may be the first reason why you no longer feel good with your partner. With the arrival of a child comes fatigue, lack of sex, perpetual sleep deprivation, and disagreements over parenting approaches. Your partner may not only start to annoy you but may even become your enemy in some ways. Some issues can't be eliminated. But you can eliminate the dark things that come out of them. Of course, it won't be an easy path, but you should choose good strategies along the way to deal with it. You can definitely do it with a bit of diligence, desire, and love.
Speak without holding back
Sometimes it can be hard, and sometimes we can get so carried away that we'll say things to our partner that they shouldn't hear. However, as adults, we must learn how to have a constructive dialogue with our partner. Talk openly about your emotions, needs, and wants, and accept each other. Most of the time, this is not that difficult; you just need to learn how to do it (read more in the summary of Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson if you are wondering how to improve communication in a relationship).
Don't reduce all your conversations to silence
Many couples, as a result of the common household, forget about each other's vast and vibrating inner worlds altogether. All their conversations are reduced to the children or problems at work. The eternal and beautiful goes into the background. Start talking! “You know, when I was a kid and I thought clouds were made of cotton candy” or ”What was your favorite childhood toy?”
This relationship advice won't be for everyone, but nothing will be a better team-building activity for your family than gossiping about people you don't like together! If you and your partner can afford to turn into two gossip-girls occasionally, you'll never have the question of how to spice up your marriage.
Keep a balance between family and work
Although this topic has been discussed trillions of times, few people really understand what it means. We think that if we rush home from work, do homework with the kids, cook dinner, and then have some time to ourselves for watching shows, we're doing well. However, relationships between partners are often neglected precisely because we see “time with family” as time with the kids.
So, another rule of thumb comes into play here: a balance between children and partner. You have to remember that before they came along, it was just the two of you. And you have a responsibility to honor that fact by sometimes spending a little time just with each other.
Go on dates
Pinterest and TikTok are full of date ideas, However, married couples or people in long-term relationships still don't know where to go when it's just the two of them. Don't think you have to be less creative if you're already settled with each other. Go to a workshop, take a boat ride, weave bracelets for each other, and just enjoy your quality time.
Explore each other's love languages.
Each person has their own love language, as physical affection, receiving gifts, words of affirmation, service acts, and quality time. Study your partner and give them what they want. So, for example, if your partner adores being given flowers, don't neglect it. Many couples break up because such sweet and small gestures fade away with time.
Affection is one of the basic love languages that is essential in a relationship. Give it to your partner to make them feel loved, accepted, and understood. However, show them that you need their affection, too. To get a better idea of how love languages work, check out our summary of The 5 Love Languages.
There are multiple ways to rekindle romance, but again, this should go from both sides. You will not be able to save your marriage if you fight alone. Even though it can be hard sometimes, it is better to let go when you don’t feel any initiative from your partner back. Couple therapies are indeed helpful when you want to spice up these relationships. Try various ways and don’t worry. If both of you are willing to change something, you will be just fine.
Photo credits:
