Dr. Chapman's love languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. (If you wish to explore them deeper, we recommend our summary of The 5 love languages.) Each person has their own emotions and needs in relationships, as well as their own ways of showing affection. If you still are questioning how to find your love language, have no worries because here is some relationship advice.
Communicate with your loved one
Start a conversation about your other half's preferences. You can choose your own approach to this, so it does not matter at all whether you ask directly or in roundabout ways. The important thing is to be clear about what your partner's priorities are. You may even have to tailor your expressions of love in a way that is most meaningful to them. However, your partner should also be willing to change their approach for you.
Be open
For instance, your love language may be words of affirmation rather than receiving gifts. However, giving gifts to you may bring pleasure to your partner. Talk about how simple compliments are just as good for you, or explicitly state your own love language and the kind of love you would like to receive. But don't completely shut yourself off from what is also critical to your partner.
Physical touch as the foundation of a relationship
One of the most popular love languages is physical touch. Children whose parents rarely hug or kiss them have more mental problems growing up. Long-distance relationships often fall apart quickly due to the lack of physical touch and intimacy. It is a form of communication and socialization without which you simply cannot build any relationship. Let's continue further on how this affects our relationships.
Be initiative
Physical intimacy can be more than just sexual. Of course, sex in a relationship is essential, but it is not the basis of everything. However, small gestures like holding hands, kissing the forehead, or stroking the back in some situations and contexts can have a much deeper meaning than sexual contact. If your partner is tactile, try to initiate physical touch as much as possible (within your comfort level).
Hold them when they cry
As children tend to cry for their mother’s embrace when they are hurt, adults want to be held as well. When your partner is crying or feeling sad, they might want your support. You can offer it to them verbally if you are not sure about their consent or just calmly hug them, letting them cry their way out of sadness.
Have little rituals
How about some nice little physical rituals that you may include in your daily routine? Goodnight kisses or cuddling while watching movies are indeed basic but still crucial for a person with such a love language. It can take every form you and your partner like starting from back rubs after a hard day at work and finishing with playfully slapping their butt every time they turn your back to you.
Buy a plushy for your partner
Even though sometimes we really need to do so, leaving our partner for a couple of days can be torture. That is why many people find a solution by buying big soft plushies to hug when sleeping. Well, it cannot replace a real one, but at least a soft texture and embracing can give them the satisfaction of the desire for physical contact. Especially useful for long-distance lovers!
Enjoy sex with your partner!
Sex, again, is not the main physical intimacy manifestation, but it is still a crucial one. There is a huge problem in relationships when one person is using sex for their own satisfaction and the other one thinks that it is nothing more than a necessary marital act. Do everything possible to make it full of pleasure for both of you.
Do not overdo it
Sometimes, physical touch may mean nothing more than holding hands for you when, for others, it is a deep emotional experience. Remember that even if your partner usually likes something, you should not cross their boundaries by doing something without their consent. If your partner is not in the mood for physical closeness at a certain moment, it’s better to leave them be. Be respectful and mindful.
Relationships may require patience, effort, and growth. Don't be afraid to show your partner that you desire physical intimacy, and don't be shy about it. Holding hands on the street may seem uncomfortable (and that's okay because everyone has their limits). Don't be afraid to experiment and actively talk about it. Learn your boundaries and learn your partner's boundaries by taking small steps in the beginning and bigger ones with experience.
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