There are different kinds of them: financial, sexual, how your partner treats you, and how you raise your children. But sometimes these expectations can be unrealistic or unclear to our significant other, which in turn greatly impacts the relationship.
If you don't talk about expectations with your partner, there is a high chance that it will ruin your relationship or even cause a breakup. We've put together 7 tips to help you avoid this when building a strong connection with your partner.
1. Discuss expectations openly
One of the main problems that often causes conflicts is not unrealistic expectations, but rather a lack of understanding between partners. Imagine your partner wants to please you with something for your anniversary and gives you a trip to the mountains for both of you. It's certainly a great gift, but you don't like hiking. Instead, you’d rather get a new phone or vacuum cleaner.
That's perfectly normal, but if your soulmate doesn't know your preferences, they'll hardly guess what you'd like. Therefore, you should try to openly discuss your needs and expectations with your significant other regarding gifts, attitude, finances, sex life, and parenthood. Also, encourage your partner to talk about these things directly. To learn more about this advice, we recommend our Marriage Be Hard summary.
2. Don't try to change your partner or compare them to others
Relationships are a process where both partners change and compromise. However, it doesn’t mean radical changes in character or sacrificing what is important to you in life. It's essential to understand this fine line between compromise and sacrifice so that both partners feel comfortable. That is why, if your significant other does not meet your expectations, do not try to change your loved one or compare them to others.
In such cases, an open dialogue will help again. Identify the expectations that matter most to you and ask if your partner is willing to meet them. If a person is not ready to accept your priority expectations, you should consider whether this person is right for you or how important these expectations are. But the only thing you shouldn't do is force someone to adapt to you if they don't genuinely wish to do so.
3. Show empathy and learn to forgive
There are no perfect relationships, but there are relationships where partners have learned to overcome difficulties together. We can all make mistakes, especially in the first relationship. Despite our expectations, we still must try being empathetic and understanding. Many difficulties can be resolved if both partners are willing to forgive, change, and put themselves in each other’s shoes.
Yet, don't forget that the desire for change and improvement must be mutual. You shouldn't constantly sacrifice yourself if you don't see any return. Try to find a balance and listen to yourself. You can learn more about how to fix a broken relationship in our How to Not Die Alone summary.
4. Listen and try to understand your partner
Listening is more than just staying silent while the other person is talking. It is an active process that involves empathy, interest, and a genuine desire to understand. Imagine your partner is complaining about a hard day at work. When you actively listen to them, you don't just hear the words, you try to understand and feel the emotions behind them. Good questions to ask in such situations are “Is there anything I can do to help you?” or “What are you feeling right now?”
Many conflicts arise not because of big problems, but because of small misunderstandings. If you treat your partner as an ally rather than a rival, it will be much easier to solve problems together. Find out more about how to be a better listener in our Getting the Love You Want summary.
5. Appreciate what you have and be open to change
Sometimes, we are so focused on what we want that we forget what we already have. Small moments like watching a movie together, taking a walk in the park, and supporting each other after a hard day at work are the “little things” that make up true happiness in a relationship. However, we often forget to pay attention to the love hidden in the mundane things.
Our lives don’t stand still, and we are constantly changing with them. The idea that relationships should always be “perfect” and unchanging is an illusion. What worked for you and your partner before may not work now. It is absolutely normal, but the main thing is to be flexible and open to new experiences. Read on how to show empathy and be open to change in our Tiny Beautiful Things summary.
6. Develop a secure attachment type in your relationship
One of the main factors that has a significant impact on the formation of relationships is the attachment type of partners. The attachment type is formed in childhood, but it is in adulthood that we can realize how it affects our relationships. People with a secure attachment type are not afraid of intimacy, do not push their partner away, and do not lose themselves with others.
Secure attachment is not only about safety and allowing yourself to be vulnerable but also about having realistic expectations of your partner and the relationship. With a good balance, you can better understand your partner and allow them to understand you and your needs. Our Attached summary will help you improve your relationship and appreciate your significant other better.
7. Work on yourself and your relationship
Relationships are not only about “we” but also about “me.” A happy union is made up of two whole people who are not looking for a soulmate to fill an inner void. Working on yourself is the best contribution to healthy love. Self-reflection, psycho-emotional development, and taking care of your health and happiness create a solid foundation.
It is equally important to work on the relationship itself. Love is a process, not static. It is a dialogue, compromises, and attention to each other's needs. Just like a garden needs watering, relationships require time, investment, and daily effort. Moreover, you can try to understand your partner better by building loving maps. More on that in our Why We Love summary.
8. Be realistic about setting your expectations
Expectations are part of any relationship. We all have ideas about how we and our partners should behave. The problem begins when these expectations become unrealistic or unarticulated. We expect to be understood without words, supported without asking, and our partner to be a person who exceeds our expectations. Yet, people don’t read minds, and no one is perfect.
Setting realistic expectations means keeping in mind that we are all unique, with different experiences, rhythms of life, and energy levels. For instance, if you expect your partner to speak inspiring words of love every night, but they are introverted, it can lead to disappointment. However, if you talk about it openly and agree on a comfortable form of showing tenderness, everything will change for the better.
Each person needs to be clear about their needs and set expectations for the relationship. But sometimes these expectations can hinder understanding your partner and building a healthy relationship. One of the main reasons for difficulties can also be a lack of open dialogue and an inability to communicate the importance of your needs. The relationships advice in this article will help you formulate realistic expectations and communicate them to your significant other.
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