Do you want to learn how to develop self-confidence and increase self-esteem so you don't worry about what people say? Here are some valuable insights:
Stop overthinking the pursuit of happiness
If you find yourself caught in a cycle of overthinking, break free from it in any way possible. Overthinking has detrimental consequences that often lead to self-criticism, pessimism, and a sense of helplessness. There are two ways to avoid the negative effects of excessive thinking.
First, try shifting your focus, like engaging in sports, watching a movie, or discussing a relevant topic with close friends. It's essential to filter out factors that can affect your mental stability. Second, jot down negative thoughts, which can change your perspective. To learn more about this process, we recommend you to read our summary of The How of Happiness.
Be open to feedback, and don’t fear setbacks
Constantly striving for victory can become problematic. It may lead to ignoring evidence that contradicts your views, making you less authoritative and pushing people away. Listen to different perspectives and recommendations.
At the same time, setbacks and failures don’t dictate your values or identity. Instead, they offer opportunities for personal growth and progress. Change your perspective and view failures as a necessary component of a fulfilling life. You can turn them into valuable experiences that propel you forward.
Decide what matters to you most
You are an individual, so use this freedom to act according to your goals. You don't need to impress anyone because it's your life. Focus on what matters to you — define your values.
For example, if you plan to get a driver's license just because your mom's friend's daughter already got one, don't start if you're not interested. Don't waste your precious time trying to be like someone others set as an example. If you have no intention of driving a car for your reasons, focus on your desires. You'll achieve much better results by doing what you feel drawn to and personally need. Knowing your values can guide your decisions; learn more about personal values from our summary on Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope.
Control your environment to be yourself fearlessly
It's always easier to be yourself and enjoy life when you're surrounded by people who uplift your spirits and inspire you. Distance yourself from skeptics and negative individuals who drain energy from your dreams and fantasies. By being among those who are pleasant to you, you won't even think about how to stop caring what people think. In reality, your people won't give you a reason to ask such questions.
Be yourself every second of life. For instance, if you like classic clothing but the people you hang out with only support a sports style, are they your people? Step out of the frames that don't fit you earlier to avoid regret later.
Stop apologizing for your choices
Get rid of the habit of apologizing for being who you are. Standing out from the crowd, expressing a different opinion, or caring about something important to you are not valid reasons for apologies. However, apologies are entirely justified if you've done something wrong, like accidentally bumping into a passenger on the bus.
So, to start with, remind yourself that having your own opinion is normal. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs, and don't apologize for them. Learn to stand up for yourself and decline when appropriate. Practice self-assertiveness, saying, "I did a good job and deserve to hear a good word from my boss."
Don’t exaggerate people's judgment toward you
People judge, have judged, and will judge you. That's life. But remember that people don't judge you as harshly as you might think. If you were walking down the street and spilled coffee on yourself, the passers-by who looked at you disapprovingly probably forgot about it by the evening.
Direct your thoughts in the right direction to answer the question of how to improve self-esteem. In the book The high 5 habit, Mel Robbins writes about a “mental filter”, that changes the way we think. You can learn more about positively changing your mindset from our summary of Robbins’ book.
Treat others with respect and understanding
Strive to accept and encourage others in their uniqueness. Avoid gossip and negative attitudes towards those you don't understand, and, most importantly, refrain from rushing to judgment. In simple terms, treat people how you would like to be treated.
For example, don't judge your colleague for what you perceive as a strange taste in clothing. It may be her way of self-expression, which, ideally, is harmless. Instead, be supportive and try to understand her inner world better.
Create positive thinking patterns instead of negative ones, and perceive your failures as a way to learn something new. This will help you stop caring what other people think. Strengthen your confidence code and continue to follow your heart and your goal. Learn more about it in our summary of the book The Confidence Code. Of course, you shouldn't disregard recommendations for improvement offered by others but evaluate them consciously. Remember, you only have one life, and only when you act according to your principles are you truly living, not pretending.
Credentials:
