The Charisma Myth
5.0
9 min

The Charisma Myth

by Olivia Fox Cabane

Brief Summary

Nobody likes to be ignored. Whether it’s friends turning you down to grab coffee or a colleague not listening during your presentation. “The Charisma Myth” by Olivia Fox Cabane shows how to become charismatic and enhance your influence. Quit thinking that charisma is inborn and take the reins of your life with practical strategies from this book.

Key points

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Key idea 1 of 6

When you hear the word “charisma,” what comes to your mind? Chances are, you picture somebody outgoing and conventionally attractive. In reality, it’s a common misconception. If you’ve ever seen Winston Churchill, an inspirational politician and orator, you can definitely say that charisma doesn’t depend on appearance or sex appeal. Do they help? Yes, but in reality, you can be charismatic even with a balding head. To reap the charisma rewards, first of all, you need to get to know its core elements: presence, power, and warmth.

Presence is the opposite of distraction. Being inattentive during the conversation is something you don’t want to do unless you are eager to destroy trust and rapport with your interlocutor. If you are not engaged enough in the conversation, people notice it in 17 milliseconds through your facial expression and body language. The best thing you can do is learn presence. Try focusing on the things around you, for example, sounds. Even if it’s just for a few moments, this mindfulness technique can help you be more present while communicating with people. And since people seldom feel such full presence from others, they are sure to notice it.

Two other components of charisma are power and warmth. When we decide whether to continue communication with somebody or not, we pay attention to these very components. Warmth reflects our goodwill and kindness toward others. Meanwhile, power lets us shape our surroundings through authority, status, and influence.

We are programmed to quickly judge both traits. Of course, you may get respect through power or win affection with warmth. However, remember that if you have power but no warmth, you might seem rude. If you’re warm but have no power, you might seem weak. Achieving real charisma means balancing these two components.

All in all, when it comes to charisma, body language speaks louder than words. Try conveying presence, power, and warmth through your posture, gestures, and expressions. It is often enough to be seen as charismatic. Yet before that, you need to work on your mindset because your thoughts are reflected in your body. Further on, you will know more about charisma obstacles and ways to overcome them.

01
We aren’t born charismatic, we become charismatic
02
Physical or mental discomfort can block your charisma
03
There are several styles of charisma you can use
04
First impression is powerful and often permanent
05
Charisma is your ally in challenging situations
06
Final summary

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